PAGE 17, HIGH GEAR

Up to you to talk to your parents

Reprinted with permission of GAY COMMUNITY NEWS, 22 Bromfield Street, Boston, MA. 02108

By Richard Burckhardt

HOUSTON -Richard and Amy Ashworth, two long-time members of the original Parents and Friends of Gays (PFOG) chapter in New York City, are delivering a message that may surprise many gays and lesbians: it is up to the children to bring their parents to PFOG, not other parents.

"It takes the children to bring the parents to the Parents and Friends of Gays," said Richard. "There is no way for us to bring in parents without the gay and lesbian community."

In other words, he said, PFOG cannot be an effective organization without the aid of the nation's gay and lesbian organizations. Recruiting is the biggest problem that PFOG has, he said, and there is no way to reach the parents without the help of the children.

The Ashworths were in Houston recently to attend the Texas Gay Conference Eight and presented what turned out to be one of the more popular of the workshops to

be presented. Richard is a successful attorney and has spoken in support of his two gay sons on several occasions, including at the Nationa! March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights in 1979, and more recently on William E. Buckley's "Firing Line." Amy has worked fulltime in support of the gay movement for the last few years. Both have appeared on the "Donahue" program.

The middle-aged couple in no way fits the stereotype of what many Americans would expect for social activists. Both are conservative in appearance and Richard always appears in public in a suit.

In fact, the Ashworths want to dispel the fear that many parents have about becoming involved with PFOG.

"Parents are not expected to be activists and march," said Richard. "Our central purpose is to help parents accept their children and not to go farther."

Contrary to the propaganda put out by such groups as the Moral Majority, he said that PFOG is commited to "reuniting the family."

Amy agrees, but feels that the Moral Majority is the least of our worries. "Don't be afraid of the Moral Majority" she said. "They

are more like the amoral minority. Be more concerned with the Family Act."

The Family Protection Act would

do away with most sex discrimination aspects of the federal education code, establish "traditional" sex roles as the only legitimate curricula and threaten the withdrawal of over four billion dollars in federal education funds if schools did not adhere to these strict guidelines. Amy urges parents and their children alike to write Congress and voice their opposition ot it.

Parents of gays and lesbians can be significant and powerful allies to their children, said Richard, because parents aren't subject to the same attacks that their gay and lesbian children are.

"That makes us a good bridge between groups such as the Moral Majority and the gay world," said Richard.

Both cited experiences where people that each knew to be antigay and extremely conservative expressed support for what the parent's group was doing to support their children.

Participants in the workshop that was led by the Ashworth s expressed a desire to see that the Ashworth's message be spread to the gay and

lesbian community and although the Ashworths travelled to Houston at their own expense to do the workshop, Richard stressed that the "primary responsibility for spreading the word lies with the homophile community.

"When you have (told your parents), you have the best weapon possible," said Richard. "It's damned hard for people to say no to a parent."

But telling parents can be a traumatic experience for some. The Ashworths recommend thorough preparation for it and suggest that there are some very practical reasons for making homosexuality known to parents.

Once you are "out" to your parents, the Ashworths say that: 1. There is no longer any reason to lie about yourself or your "roommate."

2. No more worrying about being "found out" by someone who might tell parents.

3. Most important, relief from the stress of leading

a double life.

Many parents, they said, take the news very well, but others can be very cruel or be hurt badly by the knowledge.

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